QI’m just a girl who can’t say NA ... NA . .. NA!
Those were the words in a parody of the famous song from the musical Oklahoma!, “I’m Just a Girl Who Can’t Say No.” It was sung by Jo Anne Worley on the “Joke Wall” on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In back in the 1960s. WOW, did I just date myself!
Those of you who know Kris and me know that the word no has proven consistently elusive in our lives. Many times, we’ve had much more on our plate than was probably a good thing.
Now, there are certainly more no’s in our lives than there are yeses. But every no creates an opportunity for a yes. I know, that sounds suspiciously like something you’d hear at a sales seminar.
“Well, you’ve gotten 50 no’s, so that means you’re getting very, very close to a yes.”
Think about this . . . when we do say no to things, it opens up our schedule. It opens up our thinking. It opens up our minds. And if we’re honest, many of the yeses on our calendar are there because of guilt. Maybe they’re there because someone kept asking us to do something over and over again, and we never really felt like doing it, but they simply outlasted our resistance.
The problem with saying yes out of guilt, obligation, or fear of missing an opportunity is that it’s not a real yes. It’s not an honest yes. And it seems like every time I say yes for those reasons, a powerful reason to regret it is waiting just around the comer.
It never fails. A rare opportunity to get away with my Krissy ... or something else that I am passionate about comes up . . . and there sits that dishonest yes right in the middle of my week. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt remorseful for a disingenuous yes. After a while, it’s just not worth giving a dishonest yes anymore.
One of the most encouraging passages in the Bible on this subject comes from Luke 10. Martha was busy doing good things. In fact, she was serving Jesus Himself. Yet Jesus gently told her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed, or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better...” (Luke 10:41^2).
Notice that Jesus didn’t criticize Martha for doing bad things. He simply pointed out that Mary had chosen the better thing. Sometimes our greatest challenge isn’t choosing between right and wrong. It’s choosing between good and best. Sometimes we have to say no to something worthwhile so we can say yes to what matters most.
But here’s something else I’m noticing as I get more mature.
Sometimes my no creates space for someone else. It creates a gap for someone who would like to come along behind me and do what I do . . . their way. Someone who has fresh ideas, new energy, and a different perspective. Yet I may be sitting in my spot, hanging on a little too tightly, for a little too long and . . . unintentionally blocking the way.
Let’s face it. Most of us are where we are today because of someone else’s no. Maybe the person before us said, “No, I don’t want to do this anymore.” Or maybe someone told them, “No, it’s time for someone else to take the baton.”
Either way, that opening created an opportunity. It allowed someone new to step in and build on what came before. They didn’t erase the past. They honored it by bringing their own gifts, their own passion, and their own vision to the task . . . to build on it!
So here’s my challenge for all of us.
This week, take a fresh look at your calendar, your commitments, and your opportunities. Ask God to help you recognize the difference between a genuine yes and a reluctant one. Ask Him to show you where you may be holding on to something that someone else is ready to carry forward. And don’t be afraid to say no when it’s the right thing to do.
A thoughtful no can create room for a better yes, for deeper relationships, for needed rest, for new opportunities, and for God’s best purposes to flourish in your life and in the lives of others.
Who knows? The opportunity you’ve been praying for may be waiting on the other side of a faithful no!
Pat Larkin is Campus Pastor of Fire on the Prairie Church (an H20Church.TV Campus) in Historic Downtown Cottonwood Falls, Kansas. He and His wife, Kris have been married 47 years and have one daughter and two grandsons. Pat is a Native of Tulsa. Pat and Kris relocated in Cottonwood Falls after 20years in Southern California. Pat and Kris have both served in ministry since 1990.